Pope Benedict XVI wants British heads to roll. Oh dear.

A member of Britain’s Foreign Office, in response to what to do with the Pope during his September visit, suggested such activities as opening an abortion clinic and blessing a gay marriage. The young employee, only 23, is being allowed to keep his job, but his superior has been “transferred.” One hopes the word transfer is not in any way akin to the Vatican’s quaintly named Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith, or, in common parlance, Inquisition.

It is, therefore, doubly laughable that a senior Vatican source was quoted in The Daily Mail as saying, “There are clearly dark forces within the British Government. While some are very eager for the visit to go well, there are others who are opposing it. This runs the risk of the trip being remembered for the memo and nothing else.”

I doubt that. The trip might well be remembered as Benny the Rat trying to shift attention from his egregious cover-ups of pedophilia in the church, all over the church, it seems.

It might be Benny the Rat trying to make the world forget that he rejected US President Barack Obama’s first choice for ambassador to the Vatican, Kathleen Kennedy. Why? Because he didn’t like her sexual politics or, in other words, she favors a woman’s choice.

Senior aides to Benny the Rat said the Foreign Office had been too lenient, and they worried about repercussions that might cancel the visit entirely. They pointed out that the Pope had visited Muslim nations without incident. And why not? As I recall, the Muslims WON the Crusades, so Muslim nations had no particular reason to despise a man who has nothing at all to do with the religion practiced by most of the citizens of those nations.

On the other hand, Britain has several reasons to dislike this pope, or any pope, because of various unsavory portions of its national history.

First, of course, Christianity supplanted the perfectly serviceable religion of the British Isles, Druidry. English scholars have even made a good case for Joseph of Arimathea having brought the young Joshua of Nazareth to study at Glastonbury, among accomplished Druids. And indeed, the teachings of the man who became Jesus were a lot more like the gentle ways of Druid life and worship than they are like the militant, rigid, unforgiving pronouncements of the Roman Church as we know it now, and as we have known it for close on to the entire 2000 years of its nominal existence.

Second, Catholicism produced some mighty aberrations in various monarchs of England. Anyone recall Bloody Mary? The half-sister of Queen Elizabeth I, she murdered anyone who wanted to practice the religion of her father Henry VIII, that is, the burgeoning Anglicanism. Speaking of which…the Pope’s intense desire, at the time, to keep all the kingdoms of Europe lined up as he liked them (under his thrall) is the real reason he denied Hank yet another annulment and sent the syphilitic king on a quest to justify his behavior that resulted in a religious schism. That’s a schism, actually, that many Britons quite like, as do some transplanted Yanks. An American Anglican, that is Episcopalian, I always liked the fact that our own Archbishop of Canterbury, and not the Italian-Polish-German pope, decided on matters of doctrine. Within the Anglican Communion, there is wide latitude for each nation’s church to develop its own way of being.

Third, this is a German Pope. One might recall how intensely the British people suffered at the hands of another German who was easily offended and also thought he ought to be revered in all of Europe and the British Isles. It wouldn’t be surprising if, below the surface, there was a stream of anti-German sentiment bound up in both what the Foreign Office employee wrote, and in feelings across the land generally.

It is difficult for those not brainwashed into the faith to pump up much love for a church that has systematically reduced women to the level of chattel, stopping just short of shrouding them live as the Muslims do. Among the followers of Jesus were many women preachers, in fact; the hierarchy and bureaucracy, not to mention militarism, of the Roman Catholic Church disenfranchised them from the major spiritual role.

It is difficult to feel any admiration for a man who embraced Holocaust deniers among his own clergy. It is difficult to desire to cooperate with a man who only belatedly and only after intense international criticism deigned to acknowledge a problem with pedophilia throughout the Roman Catholic Church.

It is difficult even to understand a Church that could produce the Magdalene Sisters, all the while keeping the true believers in Ireland convinced that the slightest nod toward human sexuality was such a heinous sin that one’s life was, in one way or another, immediately forfeit.

It is difficult to respect a Church that, when its leader is subjecting a sovereign nation already in a recession to bearing the immense public cost of his visit, takes umbrage at an attempt at humor about it by a young employee and calls for his head.

One might not expect a Roman patriarch to be able to take a joke, although it seems that Pope John Paul would have been a bit more laid back about it. Even from a rigid and doctrinaire pontiff, though, one might hope for a more balanced response and a modicum of forgiveness.

Seig Heil! A new phrase for Arizonans to learn

Seig Heil! Is it possible to translate that into Spanish for the legal Arizonans of Hispanic descent who speak Spanish as their first language?

Never mind. They wouldn’t want to say it; a despicable aspect of reverence for the fatherland in Nazi Germany, the phrase means Hail Victory. There is no victory in Arizona, and certainly none for those of Hispanic ancestry, whether recent immigrants or long-time residents.

Indeed, there is victory only for the teabagger mentality, if one cares to elevate the syndrome to the level of mentality. But it does amply explain the recent passage in Arizona of the “Support Our Law Enforcement and Safe Neighborhoods Act.”

Under this ridiculous moniker and the law it fails utterly to describe, Dave Zirin, writing on Progressive.org, notes:

THE law makes it a crime to walk the streets without clutching your passport, green card, visa, or state I.D. It not only empowers but absolutely requires cops to demand paperwork if they so much as suspect a person of being undocumented. A citizen can, in fact, sue any police officer they see not (emphasis mine) harassing suspected immigrants. The bill would also make it a class one misdemeanor for anyone to ‘pick up passengers for work’ if their vehicle blocks traffic. And it makes a second violation of any aspect of the law a felony."

There is little doubt that the chances of my visiting Arizona are slim to none; indeed, for any nation to harbor such a state within its national boundaries suggests to me that my choice to become an ex-pat when I did, a year ago and becoming fact six months ago, was a sound decision. There is very little chance I will visit the US, although family and friends are mainly still there.

Several columnists have proposed that the Arizona law was meant simply to force the federal government into enacting workable immigration laws, or, in the case of Arizona, anti-immigration laws. In trolling around the Internet, I came upon the comment that Russell Pearce, a Mormon, was responsible for introducing this law.

Thank goodness I’ve quit examiner.com. When I mentioned in a column for them that the Mormon Church was behind a good deal of the gay-bashing legislation in western states, the number of comments I got―mainly casting aspersions on me―was quite astonishing. I admit that I did mention that Joseph Smith, the founder of the church, was actually a juvenile delinquent looking for a way up and over, and mentioning that, of course, really opened the floodgates. But surprise! I can’t think of any other founders of modern religions who came to their enlightenment (if such one wants to call it in Smith’s case) via criminal activity. Martin Luther was not a criminal; he simply disagreed with many of the tenets of the Roman Catholic Church and had the courage to voice his disagreement publicly.

Ernest Holmes, founder of Religious Science (no, NOT Scientology), another modern western-states-based religion, was hardly a criminal; he was actually a sort of meek little academic wannabe.

Nor did Luther nor Holmes nor even Henry the VIII, in whose favor the Anglican Church was devolved from Roman Catholicism, claim that their revelations came from golden plates given them by the angel Moroni and later taken back by the same angel and secreted away inside a mountain.

Frankly, Henry VIII’s murderous behavior towards his wives was more sane than that cockamamie tale, if a bit more delinquent.

And now comes, as they say in some courts of law, Russell Pearce, about whom The Economist noted:

RUSSELL PEARCE is the quintessential Arizona Republican. He wears stars-and-stripes shirts and has clips of John Wayne and Ronald Reagan on his website. He loves guns, his family, his Mormon faith, his country and the law, which he enforced for many years as deputy sheriff of Maricopa County. He jokes that being Republican, and thus not having a heart, saved his life when he got shot in the chest once. But his main passion is illegal immigrants, whom he calls ‘invaders’. He loathed them even before his son Sean, also a sheriff’s deputy, got shot by one. But now it is personal."

Once upon a time, long ago and far away, I owned a company that was brought to its knees by a thieving gay man. By Russell Pearce’s lights, then, I should have run for office and introduced legislation against gay men, having been grievously harmed by a gay man.

Once upon a time, long ago and far away, I was employed by a company at which my boss was a rabid conservative who was in favor of the death penalty. Why? Not on any ideological grounds, nor even fiscal ones (the usual rant is that it’s expensive to keep a person in jail, despite it being much more expensive to execute them). No, he was a rabid pro-death penalty ignoramus because his wife’s brother had been killed in a drive-by shooting. I was incredulous that a seemingly educated person could so cavalierly translate personal tragedy into a desire for public policy.

Of course, it is much the same when those whose near and dear have died of a particular disease suddenly become the number one flag-waver and friend-annoyer regarding donating/running/walking/sponsoring for the cure of that disease. It would be so much more elegant if these people chose a disease that really freaked them, if a disease they must choose, and work to defeat that. I have had relatives die of heart attacks, pancreatic cancer, extreme old age (101) and kidney failure. If I had to choose one to make a cause out of, it would be extreme old age. After all, I’d like to wipe that out as a cause of death and live forever.

But in fact, I think the worst disease is ignorance. One can literally either survive everything else, or die knowing one has put up the good fight. And since we are all going to die sometime―since my favorite disease has not been wiped out and I can’t think what to do to help with that except try to live longer than 101―one might as well stop being ignorant and put up the good fight.

I would tell Pearce to stop being ignorant, but I think he’s got a terminal case. I would tell the Mormon Church to stop being ignorant, but that would be so non-PC, lord knows what the outcome would be. And it seems to have two longevity factors going for it: first, it has reached that critical mass after which any bureaucracy will self-perpetuate, and, second, it brainwashes people into doing completely irrational things in its name.

Meanwhile, there’s no chance I will go to Arizona. There’s very little chance I will return to the United States, even for a visit.

But there’s also no chance I’ll stop commenting on it, just so that maybe, someday, the United States will return to being the nation it was meant to be, the nation seemingly permanently hijacked by Ronald Reagan and his progeny in crime.

Teabaggers, mullahs brothers under the skin

Yesterday, I posted a column on examiner.com about Geico firing Lance Baxter for having the temerity to express his displeasure about their tactics to a teabagger organization. I used the term teabagger. Just like that. No quotes.

I was instantly attacked by teabaggers. At first, it appeared in the stats available to me that 27 of 33 readers had made comments, 26 negative and one positive.

In the light of day, it turns out that the column received so many hits that it landed in the top five of examiner.com’s hundreds of blogs for the day.

Nonetheless, that does not overturn my decision to quit writing for examiner.com.

Firstly, the site has become increasingly right wing.

Secondly, I was asked to use quotes around the word teabagger if I used it in future. Teabagger is an English word. It means someone who fills little sacks of paper with crushed tea leaves. Apparently, it also has other meanings, meanings I was not aware of―not hanging out with the lowest of the nation’s teenagers―when I first used the term in print…as does everyone else up to and including Huffington Post and the New York Times. But I refuse to be intimidated by the terrorism of mental midgets.

Thirdly, I am so sick and tired of pandering to the cockamamie political correctness demands of people with sick minds and sicker spirits that I’m more than happy to shift my attentions to my own website/blog, where I can do as I please. Mind you, there are terms that are disgusting and demeaning in all contexts that I will not use. The N word is one. The C word is another…although I hasten to add, that is basically a societal expectation. British comedian Frankie Boyle uses the C word in reference to women all the time and no one thinks anything of it. It’s locker room humor, and he is a locker room humorist, although he is generally using that humor to point up real ills in British society.

I am often, in England, treated to the phrase, “took the Mick out of him/her.” It did surprise me the first time I heard it, being a Mick myself and realizing that in America, only other Micks will use Mick, as only African-Americans will use the N word among themselves. And, as I would imagine, other ethnic people would use the pejorative terms among themselves. It comes down to, “I can call my mother names, but you can’t.”

Fair enough.

But what about Mick in England? After all, the Brits subjugated the Irish for quite a long time. Ah, sure then isn’t it just a wee wordeen we’re speaking about? Isn’t it just another way to say a person was having a bit of fun? I customarily call my husband a Limey…which we have fun with because he has a Gin and Tonic every single night with, naturally, a slice of lime in it. I don’t think he’d drink it without the slice of lime. Granted, the term came about because British sailors ate limes at sea to prevent scurvy. That was pretty smart, yes? It could even be argued, on that basis, that Limey is an honorific word for a Brit.

But back to teabaggers. I seriously doubt that more than a handful of them really care about the sexual connotations of the term. Surely, unless they were courting discord from the outset (and that is possible), they didn’t know the other term when they started taping teabags to their hats and carrying signs with racial and gender insults on them, not to mention hurling same at members of Congress about to vote for Mr. Obama’s health care bill. But, true to any terrorist organization, when they found that they had a weapon to use, even if that weapon was ludicrously unallied with anything substantive in question, they pounced upon it like it was a hoard of GOP gold, and are (please excuse mixed metaphors) milking it for every ounce of mileage they can get out of it against any person or organization who will bow down and kiss their mud-splattered feet.

I don’t care for the taste of mud. I don’t care for the teabaggers. I also don’t care if they pray over me for my own good, as they put it, so that I might better come to the realization that they are right. When, in my examiner.com column’s comments, I noted that praying for someone without asking permission is hostile and arrogant (how do they know what my religion or beliefs might be, or anyone’s?), they accused me of not being polite, of rejecting a kindness.

If they were interested in polite, why didn’t they ask me if I’d like to be prayed over? If they were interested in kindness, why did they threaten me with more mayhem when, by removing my column, I denied them the opportunity to hijack it for their own purposes?

In the same way, they tore Lance Baxter apart through both character and career assassination, and at the end of their maneuvers, they wished him a nice day. (Please click here to see a video of how Baxter handled it.)

The Hallmarking of America is complete! On another day, I’ll investigate the ludicrous habit of telling everyone you speak with on the phone every time you do so that you love them. My own stepdaughter told me once that it was because that person might die without knowing how you felt. Frankly, if people you love don’t pretty much know how you feel, one tossed off “love ya” won’t cut it. They’d better know by your deeds and behavior toward them. And if you don’t love them, then it’s bogus and unethical to begin with. But, as I said, that’s a subject for another day.

I can assure you that when the teabaggers threatened to paper the Internet with screen shots of my column (which I took down to avoid complying with a directive I regard as bogus in both an editorial and ideological sense) and the comments (which I also took down), and topped it off with a prayer, they were in no way interested in my spiritual health or immortal soul. What they were interested in, plain and simple, was intimidating me to get their own way. A way they have arrogantly decided, like so many neoNazis (another term to which they object all the while behaving like Nazis and not being smart enough to see it), is the one true way.

The one true way, as I see it, is to firmly and unerringly stand up to bullies and terrorists, whether they are a bunch of retirees with too much taxpayer money in their pockets, too much time on their hands and too little brain in their heads, or Islamic clerics issuing fatwas.

As they say in Brooklyn, same difference.

Obama: Like a doctor with an unwilling patient

In the days leading up to the election of 2008, I was prepared to get on a plane to England where I would stay with an old friend until my husband could get the dog and cat prepped for emigration (a six-month UK program through which the UK quarantine can be legally avoided) and join me. Had the successor-in-interest to George W. Bush won that election, supported (if one cares to use that word) by his brainless Barbie doll running mate, it would have been impossible for anyone with a working brain and operational human emotions to live in this nation any longer. George W. Bush had done so much damage in so many arenas that it was hard to conceive how a successor cut from the same political cloth could help but make the disaster even worse. I was not willing to live in such a hapless, hopeless, helpless nation, a nation literally sick unto death.

I compulsively read Nate Silver's website, 538, looking for hope, and found it.

I was joyous on election night. It was such an important election night that I begged off meeting friends at a Democratic bar and grill to watch and celebrate; I wanted to savor our salvation at home with my husband, dog and cat, and know I would not now have to flee for my intellectual and emotional life, at the very least.

Since then, of course, the Republicans who managed to get elected or stay elected have been running their mouths and not much else, except the odd smear campaign in this year’s elections. The Republican dumbkopfs of the airwaves are still shaking their fists and turning red, something sufficient to convince the lower two-thirds of the electorate that Mr. Obama is somehow culpable for their economic distress. How can anyone forget Mr. Bush? How will we ever be able to forget Mr. Bush?

Mr. Bush is politically and economically leprous, and he has infected the entire nation with a malady that takes a while to appear, like leprosy, but when it does…..Oh, boy. Lepers, lacking feeling because the nerve ends have been ravaged by disease, lose fingers, toes, ears and noses without ever noticing it is happening, until repair is too late. It is no wonder Lincoln Mitchell wrote in the Huffington Post today:

“Problems only seem more complicated when they are examined more closely and the ability of the president to do much about them, particularly in the post-Bush period, is less than it seems.”

Mr. Obama is like a doctor trying to treat leprosy when the disease is still partly undiscovered, only a few of the abundant lesions having yet appeared. Worse, while he is trying to treat the infection delivered by Mr. Bush, Mr. Cheney, Mr. Ashcroft, Mr. Gonzales, Ms. Rice and a cadre of wet nurses to a nation’s disaster, the patient is being uncooperative. Even Democrats have whined that Mr. Obama is not fast enough. They forget that he has a systemic illness to cure, one that was lovingly nurtured by the above-named disease vectors for eight years; Mr. Obama hasn’t even yet located all the sites of infection yet. Not a day goes by that yet another soul-deadening, nation-destroying program of the Bush years isn’t uncovered. And even when Mr. Obama does find and alleviate some aging sores (please see yesterday’s column), people complain.

At the end of the day, one must know this: curing a systemic disease takes time, even when all the sites of infection are known and the cure is proven and readily available, none of which is the case with the sick nation that is, post-Bush, America. Curing that disease when the patient is intent on derailing one’s efforts might be next to impossible.

But I’ll take what we’ve got at the moment, a president with a brain and working emotions attempting to bring us back to the normalcy Mitchell sees already but for which I am merely hopeful.

Meanwhile, those who voted for Republicans in Virginia and New Jersey need not be proud of themselves this morning. In their ignorant efforts to “cure” their financial woes faster than any human possibly could―even FDR―they have given the infection new sites from which to attack the body politic and the moribund patient, the United States of America.

Pray only that by the mid-term congressional contests the patient will have regained sufficient health that no such infections are elected or re-elected to serve where it counts, in Washington, DC.

GOP Party of Greed tries to delay relief for unemployed millions

This is the third time, at least, the Senate was ready to pass an extension of the Unemployment Insurance benefits. And it is the third time Republicans are trying to stop it passing in a timely manner, considering 185,000 unemployed people have already lost their means to feed, clothe and shelter themselves and their families. By the way, I use those three terms advisedly. Calling this government program benefits puts distance, desirable to those unwilling to grapple with the problem (Republicans), between the human misery delay is causing and their own greedy, self-centered posturing and bargaining.

Today’s gem from the Party of Greed was almost laughable, if its consequences were not so sad. “The objection came, Manley said, because Republicans were trying to introduce unrelated amendments attacking ACORN and the financial-industry bailout, among other things,” according to a HuffPo article. Manley is Jim Manley, senior communications advisor to Sen. Harry Reid, majority leader.

It is not unusual for either party to attach completely unrelated legislation to bills about to be passed. It’s despicable, for either party, but not unusual. In this case, despicable is not even close to the proper description. The Party of Greed loathes ACORN, and I will admit that ACORN has had some bobbles in its mission to serve the disenfranchised…but then, what organization is without its failures? It would seem ACORN is no worse and no better than many. What it has to do with unemployment insurance, however, is clear. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. But it became useful to the Party of Greed in its attempt to increase the human misery that was fertilized and gestated and given birth by their own very odd couple, Dubya and Dickie.

Which brings us to point two, attaching anything about the financial-industry bailout to this bill. But then, the Party of Greed would have no problem adding insult to injury. The facts:

• Dubya came into office with a surplus Clinton left.
• Dubya saved his rich buddies from paying any tax at all, and he gave away several farms to buddies in oil, armaments and godknowswhatallwhichisn’tevenknownyet.
• Dubya and his partner, Deadeye Dick, created the conditions for a financial bailout to be necessary.
• Dubya took the first shot, locking the next administration into a spiraling black hole of unholy financial hell that I frankly doubt we will see our way out of until some sort of apocalypse radically alters the political scenery―a true people’s revolt (and one would hope it would be civil disobedience only, but then, Americans haven’t been starved and thrown out of their homes like so many medieval peasants before, either, not even in the Great Depression. (At which point, a “thank goodness for Franklin Delano Roosevelt” is in order. But for him, we would probably be entering a second dark age. Well, at least the peasants would, providing we had come through the first.)

Sickbutrin

Recently, a columnist on Huffington Post investigated the reasons the Wall Street Journal was inimical to the proposed integrative health care programs for improving health care delivery in the United States and including more people. Drs. Andrew Weill and Deepak Chopra are avid supporters, and they are both well-respected physicians nationally. The author concluded it was because Big Pharm would lose revenues; they make nothing if a patient is told to use some cheap witch hazel on an insect bite rather than buying an expensive cortisone cream.

In that vein, I offer a column I wrote in 2006 in dismay over a then-current TV advertisement that would have had me howling with laughter had it not been so frightening.

Here then, I offer you

SICKBUTRIN

Like a lot of other Americans who don’t believe God is spelled D-o-c-t-o-r, I’m a little tired of seeing TV ads for prescription medications one can ask one’s doctor about taking. But this week, the ads for Wellbutrin ^tm pushed me over the edge; I am now in full-tilt revolt against the pharmaceutical manufacturers.

Here’s the gist of the TV spot: Take Wellbutrin ^tm for depression because there’s a low incidence of sexual side effects. If you take it, you may, however, experience one or more of these side effects:

• Seizure
• …….

OK. Stop right there. Why would anyone want to risk a seizure to get over a little bout of feeling blue, or even a large bout of feeling blue? I mean, crying in public beats the pants off falling down on the floor unconscious, getting carted off to the emergency room at some outrageous cost, and having one’s driving privilege revoked. Because in many states, if you show up at a hospital and get diagnosed with a seizure, you don’t have to worry about informing the Dept. of Motor Vehicles about it; the hospital will. You can then forget about getting behind the wheel until six months have passed without another incident. By then, of course, you will either have lost your job (talk about depressing!) because you can’t get there, or annoyed friends and family with constant requests for rides here, there and everywhere until you don’t have many of those either (talk about depressing!), or maybe you’ve just killed yourself because you couldn’t deal with the depression the side effects of this feel-good capsule produced.

Well, you might think, but how many folks would suffer that side effect? Don’t know. The Web site I viewed didn’t have those numbers and, frankly, I didn’t feel like hunting for them. The fact that that side effect is the one now mentioned FIRST in their TV spot said it all for me.

But wait, there’s more. In case the thought of a seizure doesn’t put you off, maybe one of these unpleasant possibilities will:

• Dry mouth
• Headache
• Increased sweating (fat girls beware!)
• Nausea/vomiting (how quaint)
• Constipation (I didn’t say a word)
• Anxiety
• Fatigue
• Blurred vision (another one that’s really fine for driving skills)

But wait, there’s more. The Web site also advises reporting promptly:

• Unusual weight loss or gain
• Palpitations
• Agitation
• Trouble sleeping

But wait, there’s more. These are labeled “Unlikely, but report promptly:”

• Tremor
• Dizziness
• Fainting
• Mood changes
• Slowed movements
• Difficulty urinating
• Decreased sex drive (AHA!)
• Drowsiness

And then there is the “Very unlikely” category, which includes:

• Seizures
• Mental problems
• Fever
• Muscle aches
• Yellowing of the eyes or skin

Reading on a bit in the disclaimer on the Web site www.Wellbutrinsite.com, one might get the idea that this drug is for people on heavy-duty mood altering medication. It says: “Suddenly stopping certain tranquilizers (e.g., diazepam, chlordiazepoxide) is not recommended because doing so may increase the risk of having seizures.”

Yipes. So maybe it’s fine, then, about all those other side effects. But hey, if a patient is already juiced out of their gourd on deadly chemicals in tiny doses packed in pastel pills, why would that person be worrying about the incidence of sexual side effects anyway? From the disclaimers on the Web site, it would appear that most of the people who would seek or use Wellbutrin ^tm are, well, outside the mainstream of human interaction already. In short, if you’re drugged out of your senses, then it would seem the only sex you might be betting would be the sort which, when a result of Rohypnol, is called Date Rape. In short, if you’re so fuzzy-headed you don’t know which end is up, someone’s probably taking advantage of that situation, and you don’t know much about it anyway, so again, who cares?

About that point in the research, I thought it would be nice to have the manufacturer’s name. But it is not to be found on the Web site I was viewing, the one through which you can place really big orders for the stuff. Still, looking for it was fun. That exercise revealed that the non-timed-release version of the drug, in its development and post-marketing phase (so apparently it was released for sale while still being developed? I thought the FDA was involved here….), offered lots of other side effects. Lots. I mean like a dozen or more for each of the systems in the human body, from brain to butt. These I really liked:

• cystitis
• abnormal ejaculation (AHA! again)
• urinary incontinence (lovely!)
• menopause (Why bother waiting for those hot flashes! Have them now!)
• penis disorder
• vaginitis

Those were not all of the genitourinary system disorders, just my favorites.

Some people will say I’m over-reacting or using scare tactics, or that I am politically incorrectly assaulting the hopes of the poor, downtrodden depressed population.

I say: If you think courting any one of the few possible side effects I have mentioned might be fun, why not do this? Just go find someone who has epilepsy and ask if he or she would recommend taking the chance of getting it. Ask someone with Parkinson’s disease if having tremors is a treat. Do you enjoy gaining weight? Swallowing Milk of Magnesia? Do you want your penis, for crying out loud, to be disordered? Or perhaps the sweats and cravings and sometimes hair loss and other menopausal excitements excite you.

I have been depressed. Everyone has been depressed. (Well, maybe not Dr. Phil or Dr. Wayne Dyer. But everyone else.) I may even, at times, have been clinically depressed. My mother was depressed forever. I have relatives who had been diagnosed with severe mood disorders. And I’m a freelance writer; I’m always living on the edge, always waiting for a check or screaming for it, and sometimes tucking my tail between my legs and asking friends or family for a bailout. Talk about depressed! I have found a good book, a glass of wine, a walk down a country lane, or even planning something pleasant helps. I may still feel depressed, but less so than otherwise, and a lot less so than risking any one of the disasters described on that Web site.

Even on my worst dark, lonely, depressed days—when my rent is due, the car needs work, my dog is out of food, I’ve had pasta for one week straight and my publishers still haven’t sent the check—you couldn’t pay me all the royalties of Gone with the Wind, Catcher in the Rye and the Harry Potter books combined to get me to swallow one single sample of Wellbutrin ^tm.

By the way, the manufacturer of the stuff is GlaxoSmithKline.

The End of a Long Illness

• I was supposed to visit my favorite cousin last evening, but he wasn't feeling well, so we cancelled.
• I was supposed to have dinner with a new friend on Saturday last weekend, but she wasn't feeling well, so we cancelled. My husband and I did go, later on, to a second party we'd been invited to, and left early.
• My husband and I haven't been out to eat, except under duress, in months.
• I have begun exercise classes, and dropped out after one session.
• My best friend is working four hours a day, six days a week--not a killer schedule--but we have postponed a lunch date half a dozen times.
• My stepdaughter reconfirms each time we have a lunch date: I do always make it to those, but sometimes leave out a few errands I had meant to do on the way home.
• I haven't been impelled to call or see my brother for months. He lives 24 miles away. He's a funny guy, always amusing, and my sister-in-law is a great baker who stocks the house with delicious cookies and pies at all times.
  

This morning, I began to wonder what all this was about. I admit to having been alternately horribly depressed and heart-achingly frightened until Mr. Obama won the presidential election. My relief at the outcome of the election was enormous. As far as I can tell, most of the nation (and most of the voting nation, after all, did vote for Mr. Obama) was as relieved as I, at least on that score. Certainly, we are all still concerned about the financial future, and many of us are licking our wounds from a recent financial drubbing; a few of us still, sometimes, uselessly gnash our teeth at having let the scoundrels have free rein with our future for so long. A very few of us are hoping against hope that one of Mr. Obama's first acts will be the beginning of the restoration of the Constitution.

However, none of these musings begins to explain the weakness in the most basic threads of our social fabric, that of our relationships and interactions with our closest non-domiciled friends and family.

I think I have an explanation. After the first euphoria of hearing that there might, indeed, be a cure for our illness--which one might label Bellicositii ignoramicus fiducii (OK, some garbled pseudo-Latin for ignorant costly war, and I invite a Latin student to send me something better)--I think we are in 'bed rest' mode.

When one has endured a long illness, but has been told, "Just rest another week, dear, and you'll be fine to go about your business once again," one does just that. One rests. One avoids new opportunities for stressing one's body and mind. One adds some custard to the beef tea and toast diet, to build up one's strength for the marketplace once again. One works on one's wardrobe a little, making sure the outfits for the first days out will be clean and mended and attractive. One adds a small bit of difficult reading to the 'beach novels' of the worst part of the illness to attempt to gain enough knowledge of current events to re-enter the working world, if not also the world of work.

I think that's where we are, complicated by the fact that we are also, after such a long siege, a little incredulous, afraid to believe that our deliverance from this malady is at hand. Wanting it so badly, not wanting to jinx it. I think we are experiencing that last week of being housebound before being released into the big, wide, wonderful, exciting, demanding world again.

I am taking my Obama stickers off the car today, because my stepdaughter needs to borrow the car, and they would embarrass her. Yes, she was a McCain supporter; one cannot control one's own children, never mind a stepchild over 21. But then, my parents were embarrassed by my political choices, and I by theirs. So we'll let that ride for a bit, until she's about 35 and has been grappling with reality for a while. I don't like it, but I also believe the St. Francis prayer, and this experience calls for wisdom to know the difference.

But despite all these musings on my stepdaughter's incomprehensible political stance, I have been afraid to remove those darn stickers. I'm afraid of a jinx. I'm symbolically afraid that if I eat too much custard and too little beef tea, the disease will return. And I'll die. I have literally had to argue myself out of it, and succeeded, but only because I've already ordered some "We Did It" stickers in celebration, and they should be here by the time I get my car back. That's my excuse, and my band-aid for the heebie jeebies, and I'm sticking to it!

We do that when we are getting over an illness, also. We fear to jinx things; if we have always brushed our teeth from left to right, we aren't going to change it now. If we always wear our brown shoes on Mondays, well, the red ones just won't cut it until Tuesday. We maintain a steady state so that we can be receptive to the benefits on offer. The benefits of fresh air, new sights, pleasing sensations, mastery of our own fate once again.

We want so very badly to go out again, in health, that we hoard our small store of hard-won health against the greater health to be had very, very soon...if only....If only we adhere to doctor's orders. If only we do not tax our recovering system too much. If only we are brave enough to interact with our God again in some way other than begging, "Please, please, please....take this curse from me!"

So I'm not going to worry about it, which would tax my personal recovering system in any case. Soon enough, perhaps on January 21, 2009, we will all doubtless engage with the world again, stop walking on the eggshells of a fragile promised deliverance, and begin to enjoy the bounty we once had and can have again, enough and to share, if only....

If only we take care of our spirits, and make them loving, generous and kind.

If only we take care of our bodies, and enable them to endure the work of putting a fractured world back together again.

If only we take care of our minds, and see that we don't lose them again into a black hole of greed, cynicism and ignorance.

If only we relax into the hand of our God, whatever God that might be, and know that It Is Done Unto Us as We Believe...and we believe in God, the Good.

Repeat three times, and three times three times, ad infinitum.

How can we be doing this?

It is just barely today, October 31. I have been surfing YouTube for a couple of hours, bringing up favorite songs to cheer myself up after the horrors of the day, by which I mean the completely irrational, spirit-negative religiosity of Liberty University students working against Barack Obama and calling down doom upon him.

Even if only half of what Mr. Obama says is true, even if only one-quarter of what Mr. Obama envisions gets done, it is a start. And even if he were the worst of scoundrels, he would not deserve the ill will being pointed his way. In fact, if only half of his words are true, then he must be seen as the most humanitarian of the current seekers for public office in America.

To deny his vision is to affirm greed, avarice, exclusionary politics, segregated culture and a rubric of us vs. them.

So I simply must ask, if you deny Obama's vision, how can you live with yourself if you vote to exclude the downtrodden, to deny any human in this country, on this planet, the basic necessities of life? How can you live complacently when so many lack clean water, food, basic health care, shelter...whether they are sane, crazy,white, black, yellow, American, Latvian, Bosnian, Darfurian...anyone? How can you possibly cast a vote for a man (and unfortunately a woman) who sees everything in terms of us and them? How can you? How can you deny your own humanity so completely?

Please watch the video of Phil Collins singing "Another Day in Paradise." If you can watch it without at least a tiny movement of your heart outward, if you can hear it without your inner self being tugged to remember that all are not fortunate, cared for and loved, then stop reading. Go and cast your vote for doom.

If it touches you in the least, then please read on.

***

I lived in New York City for a good portion of my life, and it is my birthplace. I rarely gave money to panhandlers, but sometimes I did. I had a hard time making my way between my heart and the dictates of the limousine liberals I hung around with, some of whom were Rolls Republicans, in fact. Mea culpa. I admit that I was diseased with a relative lack of compassion. But I could not ignore the demands of the planet and its humanity totally. I channeled it through tithing to my church, granted a very liberal Episcopalian church, but still...I avoided contact. I avoided being upset in a very earthy manner by the poverty and disease and distress that surrounds every block of New York City, even now, even years after Rudy Guiliani made it a Disneyland for the well-heeled. (I don't mean to dismiss Guiliani's accomplishments, which were many, and his finest hour, which was after 9-11. But the city was sanitized, making life easier for the middle class and above, putting true poverty beyond their field of vision.)

There is a solution on this planet. Perhaps it begins in this nation; it has certainly almost ended here. We have no money for ourselves at the moment, or so it seems. We have given no care to ourselves. We have denied health care to the poor and broke, we have watered down education until we are raising a nation of morons, much to the distress of dedicated teachers caught in the need to teach and to make a living, and the knowledge that they are unable, by government mandate, to educate those in their charge. We have closed our borders to the needy; we have richly rewarded the rapacious. We have heaped calumny upon the head of those some consider "other" in futile attempts to make people see truth as lies, lies as truth. We, by electing and accepting leaders a pack of wolves would have justly torn to shreds as useless at best, harmful to the pack at worse, have put ourselves in harm's way, and with us, the rest of the world.

If we cannot help ourselves, we cannot hope to help others, the others who have come to rely on American generosity and innovation. We cannot help those we owe assistance by virtue of our great natural gifts; our melting pot of fine minds and vibrant cultural expression, our vast land area full of wealth of every sort. We must help ourselves. We must help ourselves to leadership that pays more than lip service to the word compassionate; we must help ourselves by educating our children, providing minimal sustenance at least for the unfortunate, and holding to account those whose greed has brought us all to the brink of disaster.

Vote your conscience, but please take care to educate that conscience first in what a conscience is there to do--keep up from doing harm to others no matter what the cost to ourselves.

What would Jesus do....about Liberty University?

This morning, the Washington Post ran a front-page article titled "God, Country and McCain." It was about students at Liberty University working to defeat Barack Obama in Virginia. That is their right, of course. What is not their right is to issue veiled threats on the life of the candidate they oppose. Within the article and also next to her photo at the top of the jump page is a quote the author attributes to student Meghan Allen.

Allen says, as reported by the Washington Post, "If Obama wins, I'm gonna want someone to get in there and reverse it ASAP."

If you do not have chills of fear running down your spine right now, check yourself for the following:

• Intelligence
• Humanity
• Spirituality
• Common sense

If you cannot find one or more of these, then go enroll as a student at Liberty University, or, if you have finished your schooling, see if you can get hired to teach. Apparently, the only requirements for either status is blind devotion to fundamentalist principles that include invoking the ultimate earthly punishment for those who do not share the same skewed vision of what Jesus would do.

Jesus, I dare say--at least the one I was taught about--would rebuke that girl. He would forgive her, of course, because clearly, she is a Philistine. She may not know what she does, but arguably, her teachers do. Her parents do. Every person who has poisoned this young woman's mind and spirit until she spews the worst sort of venom in the name of God (and make no mistake, those students believe they are acting in the name of God) is culpable.

John McCain is culpable. In 2000, McCain called the late Rev. Jerry Falwell one of the nation's "agents of intolerance." By May 14, 2006, McCain was delivering the commencement address at Falwell's Liberty University. Apparently, a visit to McCain's D.C. office eight months earlier, followed by a dinner invitation and a little sweet talk was all Falwell needed to get McCain on board the train to the Rabid Right.

Now, Falwell's son, the Rev. Jerry Falwell Jr., who runs the school, has determined to see if his students (or you could use the term lab rats) can vote en masse (like so many little regimented pinko rats, one might almost think) to get McCain elected.

As detestable as it is in an institution that claims the title university to attempt to program student thought in that way, it is even more detestable that the programming has caused a young woman to spew such hatred, such ill-considered and ignorant wishes, in public. She must be very frightened. Remember, fear is the favored tactic of all despots, from Idi Amin to the Rev. Jerry Falwell, Jr. While Amin caused his constituents (loosely defined) to fear for life and limb, Falwell's constituents are tutored to fear for their souls. And if the election of Barack Obama, a thoughtful, sane, judicious and generous politician, is viewed as a danger to their souls, then their souls are in danger very certainly. But the danger is not from Obama; the danger is from the worms of hatred, prejudice, fear, cowardice and arrogance infecting their poor, abused hearts and souls, placed there by the very people entrusted by society with educating them in their humanity and their spirituality.

When confronted with bigotry, hatred, and foul thoughts from the unthinking tongues of a spiritually abused population, I simply ask:

What would Jesus do?

What would Jesus do? Rebuke her, I believe. And I do rebuke her. But not as Jesus would rebuke her: I'm not that pure. I'm angry that so young a person could carry such venom and cast it abroad.

From all I've been taught, I believe that Jesus would also forgive her. I fully admit, I'm not there yet. Pray for me that I might be able to forgive her--and her ill-intentioned elders--before too long for the sake of my immortal soul.

If you wish to read the Washington Post article containing the above quote, please see http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/10/30/AR2008103004757.html?hpid=topnews

The Most Ridiculous of a Bad Lot: Vice Presidents on Parade

In looking at the vice presidents over the past 40 years, one is struck immediately by one undeniable fact: very few of them were presidential material should the need arise, and one of them took a plea bargain over a slew of felonies while he was vice president. Also not surprisingly, that one was a Republican, Spiro T. Agnew. He was, however, a perfect illustration of the adage, “Birds of a feather flock together.” He was Richard M. Nixon’s vice president for the first four years of that presidency, and, as we know, Nixon bowed out a few years later, just before they rolled the political paddy wagon up to the White House gates.

Nixoniana forms the basis of my current cogitation on political uselessness. The first political memory I have is of my grandfather, a lifelong Republican accountant, watching Nixon in debate against Kennedy and saying that Nixon was the most reprehensible politician on earth, in itself seeming hyperbole. History, however, bore out my grandfather’s words, until now. It’s a good thing my grandfather died in 1969; this election would have killed him. He could not have tolerated the cowardice of John McCain, nor his ill-advised choice of running mate, nor his reprehensible—not to say vile—tactics in running that campaign. My grandfather was a Republican, not a scoundrel.

Of course, a look at history reveals a number of bad decisions concerning running mates. That same look also reveals the worst of a bad bunch were Republicans. Richard M. Nixon was vice president to war hero Dwight D. Eisenhower; from that platform, he launched his, thankfully, ineffective and unsuccessful first bid for the presidency against John F. Kennedy.

Lyndon Baines Johnson was Kennedy’s vice president. Nothing particularly heinous comes to mind about him. In fact, he had the good sense not to seek another term in the midst of the Vietnam debacle. There remains, however, in many people’s minds, the possibility that he had something to do with Kennedy’s assassination. I’m not sure I believe it. And it hasn’t been proven. So it’s a non-issue…but still, it does mean that Democratic vice presidents can be as problematical as Republican ones, if not quite as thoroughly unprincipled in general.

Gerald Ford, who became Nixon’s second vice president, wasn’t unprincipled, just dumb as a box of rocks. When he pardoned Nixon, it’s a good thing my grandfather was still dead. I was so upset, I almost joined Gramp in a fit of distress. I couldn’t believe Nixon was going to get away with befouling the office of the president as he did. I still can’t.

But worse, that entire incident seemed to pave the way for Republicans to take ever more liberties with both the U.S. Constitution and good sense until we ended up with George Bush the First. He picked a cipher as a running mate, Dan Quayle, and I cannot say his presidency even began to approach his son’s on the Distress Scale. The economy was lousy under Bush I; he had gotten a less vibrant economy coming in than the massively good one Bush II inherited from his Democratic predecessor. So perhaps that’s an excuse. Still, he and his nebbish veep did enough damage, what with Iraq I and various misadventures in the Caribbean. At least he wasn’t a moron.

The Democratic vice presidents during the period before and after Bush I included Hubert Humphrey, from all accounts a skillful and relentless political negotiator, but not a criminal in any sense of the word. Walter Mondale seemed a nice Midwestern guy; nothing much to report. Al Gore was a little pompous—OK, a lot pompous—on the presidential trail after his eight lackluster years with his larger-than-life boss, Bill Clinton. But of course, Gore did invent the Internet. (Couldn’t resist.)

Which leaves only Republicans, two of them before now, to consider; Nelson Rockefeller and Dick Cheney.

Rockefeller was so rich, he didn’t have to do anything else. He had been an OK governor of New York State. He wasn’t stupid, and he wasn’t on the take, and I don’t think any sort of illicit activities (at least beyond private bedroom doors, as he supposedly died in the arms of his mistress) were ever alleged against him.

But Dick Cheney. There are not enough pixels on the Internet to describe the willful damage done by this man. He has single-handedly all but destroyed the U.S. Constitution. He doesn’t need to do more. That, if the union survives the current election, will be quite enough. Can the Constitution be repaired? Is there any will in a Congress divided by partisanship one can only describe, on the Republican side, as Born Again Fascism, to repair it? In light of the very palpable need to keep citizens from starvation in the aftermath of the destruction of our economy, will there be time and interest in repairing it? Or, if Obama wins, will he of necessity have to hand the nation on to the next leader lacking a viable Constitution? Correction: lacking a viable Constitution for a free people. The current one, decimated by the Cheney onslaught and hog-tied by Executive Orders and meatball interpretation, might serve well for a nation of debt slaves. But perhaps that’s as it should be: the economic juggernaut, sent tumbling toward the abyss by Reaganomics, has resulted in two to three generations of financial slavery for the bulk of U.S. citizens.

It is completely unthinkable that John McCain and Sarah Palin, about as prepared to serve in high office as I am to be the first black woman elected governor of Maryland, should be elected. (I’m not black.)

No matter what happens, however, we need to rethink the office of vice president. Fortunately, I have worked out a simple solution: eliminate the office. If a president dies in office, then the next in line to succeed would be the Speaker of the House of Representatives. This has a great deal of beauty in it. First, that person was elected by his or her constituents on his or her own merits, not as a placeholder for the real deal. Second, the person is used to dealing in two-year terms, meaning he or she might be inclined and trained to get the lead out and push programs forward, rather than sitting on them for the better part of four years. Third, the House of Representatives is our lower house, roughly comparable to the House of Commons in England. Thus, those elected to it are more “of the people” than are the upper house, our Senate (comparable in a very loose way to the House of Lords, in which membership is hereditary. Still, in some cases, a six-year Senate term seems like a lifetime.)

Think about it. Write your Representatives and Senators about it. But most of all, think about it when you vote on November 4^th. Sarah Palin is already wanted for questioning in her home state about her potentially actionable activities as governor. She is a gun-toting, smooth-talking pseudo-soccer mom who wants, more than anything, to prove she is capable of serving in high office. She would prove the opposite, because her analytical powers are as lacking as her running mate’s good sense. And the entire nation, not just the few injured when Nixon and Agnew ignominiously stepped down, would suffer acutely, long after an impeachment proceeding—and certainly there would be one—removed her from the office in which she is so unfit to serve.

Obama: The first all-American candidate

Ever since I became a journalist, I've been offended by defining people by their presumed race. Thankfully, the practice has now disappeared from newspapers. We no longer see things like, "John Doe, a black man, was apprehended....." while never, of course, seeing "John Doe, a white man..."

So why are we talking about Barack Obama as the first black candidate? He's as much white as he is black. He is half white and half black. His black half is African, recently, not in the time of slave ships. His white half is Celtic, for crying out loud, a "whiter" race never having been seen on the planet. I know whereof I speak. I am a Celt myself, and the translucent white skin that runs in my family, not to mention all over the Republic of Ireland, is a shining beauty to behold.

So why, in heaven's name, do we not call Barack Obama what he is: the very first all-American candidate.

Moreover, and even better, he's a mutt, just like the rest of us. He has had to make his own way, just like the rest of us (except the Bush caste, of course, as their way was made by forebears whose gene pool degenerated with every passing inbred generation.)

I love mutts. Everybody loves mutts. They are agreeable, sturdy, usually intelligent. They have to be; they don't have a pedigree to hide behind. They are also, in my experience, undyingly grateful for the kindness they receive, especially if they were abandoned or orphaned mutts. Obama was raised by only one parent, giving him at least a toe into that particular special and greatly-to-be-praised area of mutt-ness.

So come on, people. Even if you don't like the mutt analogy (and there may be a few curmudgeonly people out there who don't know it is better to be a dog than any other mammal), Barack Obama is, without any shadow of doubt, the first totally American candidate, completely representative of the entire nation, that we have ever had. We have never had a better chance to heal this nation and make it what it can be.

Obama. Period. Obama.

Faux-Palin: The Devil on Horseback

I think I might have met Sarah Palin once. It was not Palin, of course, but the similarities between the dope I met 20 years ago at Columbia Horse Center and Sarah Palin are too cogent to ignore.
When I met her, the Faux-Palin had just bought a horse. The horse was too tough for her to handle, too strong, too young and untrained.
I was, at the time, an adult beginner. I was avid. I had found the best possible trainer, an Iranian man who is still my friend, who taught there. Generously, I might add, giving his students enormous benefit of his extraordinary knowledge and skill.
His generosity allowed him to let Faux-Palin, riding her new horse, enter the arena where he was teaching me. Ordinarily, a private lesson was a private lesson and no one else could use that arena--there were two others--until the private lesson was over. Faux-Palin had a crush on my instructor. Few women didn't, myself included. So she wheedled, and she won.
Before long, her horse got out of control, which frightened the school horse I was on. My horse, reacting, twirled suddenly on the way to a jump and launched me high and fast and hard through the air. I was powerless to stop it or to stay on; I was too new at the sport, had little experience, and had not yet developed much sticking power, all of which requires time and attention, and good lessons.
I landed on one hip with both heels dug into the footing, and both hands out behind stopping my head from hitting the ground.
My instructor ran to me, and told me to check out all the parts. I found that one elbow was jammed. I told him to take my hand, put his foot against my shoulder and pull my arm hard. He reluctantly did it, and I heard everything pop back into place. I don't know why I thought to do that. I just wish I had thought to keep Faux-Palin out of my lesson. As it was, my worst injuries were two sprained wrists and a mashed sciatic nerve, all of which healed themselves over the next month. Far sooner, I think than the country could heal itself after a round in the arena with Sarah Palin.
Faux-Palin, a vapid, selfish, and ignorant young woman to say the best of her, had a vanity plate on her car. It said MsPrez, because this airhead had decided to go to law school and become the first female president.
She'd be about 42 now, so she could be mistaken for the real Palin if Tina Fey hadn't already done such a darn good job of it.
I'm thinking maybe there's a monkey brain that is parceled out by whatever god there is and installed behind the unfinished faces of lower-class women with grandiose ideas and nothing--such as intelligence and/or experience--to back those ideas up.
MsPrez ended up selling the horse. It remained too much for her because she refused to actually take a lesson from someone who knew something about horses. She preferred to pose and be coquettish, just like Sarah Palin. She hurt people with her ignorance. She ruined a horse, a valuable animal, and a kind one in general, with her despicable overweening arrogance and pride.
Just like Sarah Palin.

Republican Women: Transgendered Men?

I like my chiropractor. He's a nice guy, and pretty smart. Witty. Likes red wine and loves his dogs. But for the life of me, I cannot see why he's voting Republican because he considers his practice a small business. Perhaps he needs to have a few things explained, such as:

• Since Daddy Bush, the Republicans have started wars, leaving the Democrats to clean up the mess and pay the bills. (I could go back farther, but I think that's sufficient in the current crisis.)
• To finance those wars, among other things, the Republicans cut services, such as education--particularly the humanizing subjects such as art, music, civics--stuff they, in their tunnel-vision march toward self-aggrandizement, don't notice. They also cut other programs, however, such as funds for environmental projects and assistance to nations that could be allies.
• When large corporations amass more power and more money, as has been abundantly true throughout the Bush administrations, they don't share it with people. They pay their own executives 1,700 times as much as a British nurse, a figure I recently read in a respectable--that is, mainstream--publication. If their much-touted trickle-down theory is supposed to work on that basis, look at it this way:

1. They pay an illegal worker a salary below minimum wage to clean the house. She gets sick and is rushed to the emergency room, where our tax dollars (as much as 27.5 percent of middle-class wages and less than one-half of one percent for her employer) pay for her inadequate care. Inadequate because, as a charity case, she doesn't exactly get Dr. HarvardMed on her case.
   
2. They buy things, but they don't pay as much as you and I do. Why? First, they probably pay cash and avoid interest on the charge card or loan. Second, since they pay cash, they can negotiate a much better price. So the trickle is cut down to a drip.
3. They invest, in such things as companies that are bolstered by subprime loans. A generation ago, it was savings & loans. Either way, guess who pays for it? Middle America, small businesses. Me, and my chiropractor.
4. They are also big enough to crush competition, so even if Dr. Chiro becomes the best-loved bonecracker in U.S. history, if he runs afoul of one of their sacred cows (and understand this: chiropractors are not beloved of the American Medical Association, so he's treading thin ice there), they'll simply crush him.

Republicans do not play well with others and they have never learned to share. The only reason they get away with their ignorant, selfish behavior is that Democrats and others who may actually acknowledge their human condition have been raised to play well with others and to share. Often, those two traits are so thoroughly ingrained that we cannot cast them aside long enough to treat the Republican cadre as it deserves to be treated, with the same lack of compassion, respect and generosity with which they treat others. And if you want to define "others" as a Republican might define them, I believe you would need a very narrow definition, extending no farther than the reach of one arm, and less if the Republican in question--whoever he* is--had to bend that arm to hug the ill-gotten gains more closely to their breast.

* I use the term he because it is inconceivable to me that any woman could possibly support the common (and I use that term advisedly) platform of Republicans. Even if a woman is anti-choice, presuming to force her beliefs on others seems to me to be at odds with womanhood, by nature an inclusive state of being. In my opinion, a female Republican might as well go and get transgendered; her brain already has.

Is the urge to puke evidence of the presence of a skank?

I debated whether to write this post for Skankbusters or Review of Applied Ethics. Actually, I shall put it up on both.

I didn't watch Sarah Palin's talent segment last night in her quest for the Miss Skank America crown...excuse me, the vice presidency of a very populous nation. I have read very little about it; there was no need. Her entire presentation, from the top of her bubble do to the tips of her peep-toe little girl high-heels, assures me that, inside, there beats the heart of a teenager who never got past dry humping under the bleachers. Perhaps, actually, she has morphed herself into her bleachers partner, the dumb jock who would now very likely espouse shooting bears from helicopters.

Katie Couric--who, if nothing else, finds it difficult to diss anyone--has damned Palin not with faint praise, but outright disdain. Katherine Parker, a conservative, has seen the light. It would be hard not to. Palin's orb of ignorance shines very brightly.

There is a web site called Women Against Palin, calling for her to step down for the good of us all. Gloria Steinem has rung in with a very reasoned plea for women not to vote for this woman. Steinem noted that feminists regard Palin as a shill meant to fool those women who do not understand the women's movement, a formerly successful movement involving improvements--equality--for all women, with justice and fairness. Nothing about the women's movement called for revolting displays of ignorance dressed up like the doggy's dinner and pandering to dunderheads, fools, and good ole boys. It still doesn't...and as far as I'm concerned, especially in this Era of Imbecility...the movement still isn't dead. See Women Against Palin as proof.

But the original question I posed, above, was this: Is the urge to puke evidence of the presence of a skank? I contend that it is. I say this having, within the past twenty minutes, been treated to a still photo of Sarah Palin 'winking' to the audience at her debate, so called, last evening. I read she also blew the audience a kiss.

After eight years of a smirking chimp, I wonder if we can withstand any years of a Winking Wonk, or Smoochy Sarah. I want to puke.

Alexander McCall Smith's French Equivalent, Muriel Barbery

One of my favorite quotations of all time is this one, by Sigmund Freud, about the Irish: "This is one race of people for whom psychoanalysis is of no use whatsoever."
You may take it to mean whatever you like. I take it to mean that they are already mentally healthy, and why would they not be? They have a fondness of enough drink to take the edge off, a fatalistic attitude about life itself (in short, they don't get their knickers in a twist about much at all, at all), and they have a great time turning words to their advantage.
Ireland has produced platoons of great writers, usually ones who can turn a phrase to make one cry, or laugh. Even day-to-day life is full of the use of language to turn something nasty on its ear. Irony was made for the Irish, or possibly by them.
Not enough to eat? Make Nothing Soup and serve it up with Garbage Salad. (Cute, but real, recipes from an uncle of mine who raised four children in Brooklyn in the 1950s.)
Bloody Brits doing something bloody stupid again? Who bloody cares? They've been the butt of Irish jokes since long before 1916, the start of Irish independence.
Ireland overrun with swarthy foreigners? OK, OK. The Irish have been a little less tolerant of what EU membership has landed them with. But think about it; if they hadn't gotten so prosperous, the disadvantaged hordes wouldn't be seeking Irish jobs. If they're upset about anything, I'd think it was that the middle Europeans lack the finely tuned sense of humor that prevents depression from becoming pathos.
But that's not what this is about. It's about the French equivalent of the 44 Scotland Street series written by Alexander McCall Smith, and starring little Bertie, his horribly pretentious mother, Irene, and his adversary, a shrink named Dr. Fairbairn.
The book in question, The Elegance of the Hedgehog by Muriel Barbery, has been on French bestseller lists for a year. I haven't read it, but I must. I must read it if for no other reason than this: The 12-year-old protagonist, Paloma, is sent to a shrink by a mother not unlike Bertie's. Alone with the shrink, Paloma says, "Listen carefully, Mr. Permafrost Psychologist, you and I are going to strike a little bargain. You're going to leave me alone and in exchange I won't wreck your little trade in human suffering by spreading nasty rumors about you among the Parisian political and business elite."
He believes her, and leaves her alone.
If one author's fiction characters could meet another author's characters, I'd introduce Paloma to Bertie. Bertie is only six, and hasn't yet figured out how to get Dr. Fairbairn to leave him alone...and he's been working on it for four books already.
But Paloma could tell him. Bertie has already pointed out that his mother's pre-session sessions with Fairbairn are longer than his own. And Bertie has announced that his new baby brother looks a lot like Dr. Fairbairn. But Bertie hasn't yet gotten the chops to tell the faker off. (And he is a faker; Fairbairn's most famous case, the one that made his name, was all a bit bogus, as it turns out.)
One really hopes poor, sweet, smart little Bertie will last long enough to tell the big faker off. Bertie has managed, in one book, to get lost alone in Paris for a couple of days and did just fine.
Maybe he ran into Paloma!

Queen of the Universe

Dear Ms. Rowling,

Perhaps it is lost upon you that when people purposefully do things that make them rich and famous, they are no longer the same sort of "private citizen" they were when they were penniless weasels.

Bad enough that you and your shill, Warner Brothers, won your scurrilous lawsuit against a fan (he may be a little over the top in his admiration for your derivative works, but that's another story); now, it seems, a Scottish court has done what a sensible English court refused to do. It has found that indeed, it is a violation of your son's privacy for those fascinated by your inexplicable fame and wealth to take photographs of him. I wonder: Do you believe, like the hill people of Tibet, that taking his photograph will steal his soul? I doubt it. I think, rather, that you wish to take all the photos yourself and then sell them so you can....hmmmm....make more money, some half of one percent of which you will then vociferously give to charity.

I just read some headlines in which American college students opined that you are a "flash in the pan." I truly hope they are correct. Your books are not great literature; they are children's books, for crying out loud, and not in the Newbury Prize vein, either. Your books are probably popular because of the dumbing down of most populations, most places. In fact, it gave me a great deal of hope to note the U.S. college students have seen through you.

I also reread a blog posted by an author of a computer game whose work was widely disseminated as you were writing your own derivative tales. He noted that he had not gone after you, when it appears he might have done and won. He also pointed out that a female author had lost a copyright suit you brought against her. Her work about a wizard named Larry Potter was on the market first, so I don't know how you won that one. Perhaps she is a wizard, and picked your brain before even you knew what was in it, and you were magically able to prove that to the satisfaction of a judge not unlike Judge Patterson of New York. Or perhaps she simply hadn't had Warner Brothers' skirts to hide behind, nor treasury to use against you.

Your behavior has been, in a word, despicable. I have written at some length recently over the desirability of living in a nation where noblesse oblige is still in force, making it incumbent upon the 'haves' to at least pretend to value and care for the 'have nots.' That place was England. You have moved to Scotland. I think I can see why.

Sincerely,

Laura Harrison McBride

JK Rowling Railroads Potter Lexicographer

Stanford University Law Schools' Center for the Internet and Society was on the side of the publisher who wanted to issue a lexicon of the convoluted--and mainly stolen from the writings of antiquity--universe in J.K. Rowling's Harry Potter series. A judge in New York City has now put another nail in the coffin of free speech and free enterprise in the United States. In addition, while avowing the opposite, his knee-jerk (and I'm being kind here) decision has put the screws to most commercial criticism, the kind real people and not just academics, might actually buy and read.

The judge, Robert Patterson, said that the RDR "Lexicon appropriates too much of Rowling's creative work for its purposes as a reference guide". And he, I suppose, is the ultimate arbiter of how much is too much.

Even Rowling apparently has trouble with that concept. In 2004, Rowling herself had awarded the website on which the pre-empted lexicon was based an award for excellence. Worse yet, Rowling herself admitted that part of her reason for bringing suit (aided and abetted by Warner Brothers) was that now the author and publisher wanted to make money. When they ran the free website, of course, any money anyone wanted to spend went directly to Rowling, or perhaps Warner Brothers, which produced at least two totally execrable installments of the antiquities-laden supposedly original series.

It is, in a word, despicable. Here is a woman who, if you wish to believe her own backstory--and I'm not sure I do--was a welfare mom sitting in a cafe (Starbucks or similar, in which case what the heck on welfare was she using to pay for coffee there?) trying to pen a little story that would let her put better pablum in Junior Rowling's hungry little mug. So I guess she must have had all those classic writers committed to memory, or she'd probably have had to spend at least some of her time in a major academic library, stealing from the dead. The dead, one will note, cannot sue in a court in New York State, nor do they have the deep pockets and boundless greed of Warner Brothers to egg them on. They're dead. For a long time. But it's still their work. There was no such thing as copyright back then.

(To quote an old TV show, Car 54, Where Are You? "Oooh, oooh,oooh," what about writing a story about, for instance, Homer come back to life and pairing up with Warner Brothers to sue anyone who ever wrote any sort of story based, however loosely, on The Odyssey?)

Frankly, Ms. Rowling makes me sick. This former downtrodden welfare mom (snicker, snicker) has sold out so far that she now belongs to the "circle up those Cadillacs" crowd, using fair means and foul to prevent anyone profiting one nickel off her own ill-gotten gains. But then, honor among thieves is thin on the ground, still.

If I had ever entertained the thought of buying a Harry Potter book (and I hadn't; they are really sort of simplistic, a true dumbing-down of the material she used as reference material, although the better term might be template), I would not now. If I had entertained a thought of watching one of those "B" movies (particularly the buffoonery I admit to having watched once, directed by Chris Columbus), that is now firmly dead and buried.

I hope most writers are not cynical and rapacious; I hope, if I ever write anything with half the reach and income draw of the Potter books, that I will not begrudge someone else profiting by using my material as a base for their own, as long as they don't plagiarize.

I have been plagiarized, and it isn't fun. Maddening, really. My work for a niche publication was once lifted word for word by a national publication, and I had no recourse. But then, I also didn't have Warner Brothers to pay my bills and I hadn't based it on the classics. It was a story about bloodhounds.

But RDR and its writer did not plagiarize, at all. Even Rowling/Warner didn't try to send that balloon aloft. RDR and its writer simply researched Potter's work and wanted to issue a guidebook, if you will, to the world of Harry Potter. Such a work would be not unlike a Biblical concordance, although it pains me to put Ms. Rowling in the same sentence as the seminal religious work of the western world. I trust she will leave that work strictly alone, however; the Vatican is much more powerful than Warner Brothers and might have a go at her with Judge Patterson.